Shock and Breathing

Shock is what I feel right now.  Along with that shock I feel tremendous fear; along with that fear comes difficulty breathing.

Why do I feel like this???? The phone call we received from the Urologist is not one we wanted to receive.  My husband's PSA numbers have increased considerably over the last 3 weeks, instead of the increase in milligrams of the medication improving the numbers.....they INCREASED.

Now,  instead of trying a antibiotic or a different medication as the doctor indicated 10 days ago that he wanted to do; he has now decided to go to the last step and do a biopsy in 10 days.

I am frightened and I don't like this feeling, that is not easy for me to admit.  However, I have God.  I have really got to draw deep from His well of comfort.  I have got to give this fear over to Him.  Only He can handle this problem.  I proved today that I have no strength on my own to be a support to my husband when actually I am crumbling myself.

I have to ASK for His help and guidance.  I have to KNOCK and He will open that door of peace and comfort for me. I have to SEEK Him with all my heart and with complete faith, He will be there for me and George.

God, let me rest my weary head upon your chest and bring me a feeling of peace; then and only then will I be able to give my husband the strength and support that he needs.

Peace

Sweet Words of Peace from Jesus!

Return, then unto thy rest, O my soul! Let the sweet cadence of this “word of Jesus” steal on thee amid the disquietudes of earth. Sheltered in Him, thou art safe for time, safe for eternity! There may be, and will be, temporary tossings, fears, and misgivings,—manifestations of inward corruption; but these will only be like the surface-heavings of the ocean, while underneath there is a deep settled calm. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace” (lit. peace, peace) “whose mind is stayed on Thee.” In the world it is care on care, trouble on trouble, sin on sin; but every wave that breaks on the believers soul seems sweetly to murmur, “Peace, peace!” And if the foretaste of this rest be precious, what must be the glorious

4 Weeks

Can't believe it has been 4 weeks since I posted.  Time really moves fast in the summer months especially with work at the park.  So very busy as so many people are doing the Stacations.

I have got to learn how to deal with emotional pain.  I had a bad emotional experience today and developed a terrible headache and now my neck and shoulders hurt due to the tense muscles.  Anger and emotional pain causes us to really tense up and then when you get older like me you will find that tense pain endures for much longer periods of time.

I know that when I face emotional pain like I did today that I need to STOP, LISTEN and SEEK GOD with all my being and turn it over to him.  But almost everytime it happens, I fail to do what I know I should do.  Instead my emotions take over and then I just sort of "lose it" or lose control might be a better choice of words.

When I am dealt emotional pain then I lash out verbally with words that I would normally NEVER use.  Matter of fact, some of the words I said today are actually words that I despise hearing people use.  All done in anger!!

Tomorrow, oh tomorrow....I have no idea what it will bring.  I need to clear my head of the trash it had in it today and replace it with God's sweet words.