Shock and Breathing

Shock is what I feel right now.  Along with that shock I feel tremendous fear; along with that fear comes difficulty breathing.

Why do I feel like this???? The phone call we received from the Urologist is not one we wanted to receive.  My husband's PSA numbers have increased considerably over the last 3 weeks, instead of the increase in milligrams of the medication improving the numbers.....they INCREASED.

Now,  instead of trying a antibiotic or a different medication as the doctor indicated 10 days ago that he wanted to do; he has now decided to go to the last step and do a biopsy in 10 days.

I am frightened and I don't like this feeling, that is not easy for me to admit.  However, I have God.  I have really got to draw deep from His well of comfort.  I have got to give this fear over to Him.  Only He can handle this problem.  I proved today that I have no strength on my own to be a support to my husband when actually I am crumbling myself.

I have to ASK for His help and guidance.  I have to KNOCK and He will open that door of peace and comfort for me. I have to SEEK Him with all my heart and with complete faith, He will be there for me and George.

God, let me rest my weary head upon your chest and bring me a feeling of peace; then and only then will I be able to give my husband the strength and support that he needs.

The End

I am literally so low today that I can not even pray!!  Ever been like that?

I have tried so hard to remain upbeat during this time, but, today I just could not manage it. 

My husband has been so worried as I have been, however, I was the one that kept saying...God will see us through this, stay positive.....not very good at heeding my own advice..... am I??

When someone else has problems I am always the "miss fix it" with such words of wisdom as ....give it to God.....depend on God.....He is faithful and just....He will see you through the hard times.....WELL, I know He is all those things, but, it is evident that He doesn't apparently want those things for me right now.

God, my heart is heavy, my burdens are many.....where are you???